The Scaredy-Cat’s Guide to Writing and Performing Your Own Songs

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. 
~African Proverb

Let’s be honest here: writing and performing your own original songs is terrifying. Take everything that’s scary about public speaking and multiply that by ten.

Most people confine their performances to the shower, the bathroom mirror, and wistful daydreams forever. And with good reason: it’s scary to perform. The first few minutes especially are intense.

For songwriters, though, fear often enters the picture long before they take the stage.

Dealing with self-doubt as a songwriter

As artists, each of us deals with an inner heckler on a daily basis. If you’ve ever experienced this (and I think you have), you already know that this heckler:

• is unimpressed by all the songs you’ve written so far
• scorns any song idea that crosses your mind
• doubts whether you’ve got what it takes to succeed
• urges you to give up.

This heckler occasionally even speaks aloud—borrowing your mouth to mumble apologetic excuses at an open mic before you’ve even started your first song.

What you need to know is that self-doubt is entirely normal, and there are tricks for working around it—free writing sessions are one quick bypass that you can begin right away. Keep in mind that while you’re rewriting songs, it’s beneficial to question every line and word choice—but while you’re struggling to finish a first draft, picking nits will stunt your song’s growth.

“But how do I know if I have what it takes?”

Sorry, but this one’s impossible to answer. I don’t know what your goals are, and I can’t foresee the future.

I can listen to your music, study your lyric sheets, observe your stage presence, and give you with feedback on what’s working well and what needs more work—but I can’t in good conscience pretend to know what your future will bring.

If I had to choose a few traits of songwriters that I admire, I’d say they’re persistent, they push on in spite of self-doubt, they work hard, and they’ve found ways to be unique—to stand out from the crowd.

Don’t twist yourself in knots by placing high stakes on any one song, album, or performance. If you’re too needy and desperate for validation from outside yourself, you’ll end up being really irritated and depressed by any little thing that contradicts your efforts. Instead, you should view any discouragement as a chance to improve your art. If you can do that, if you can set ego aside and work on your skills and work on your songs when they need to be worked on, you’re bulletproof.

Nobody starts with all the equipment needed for success. Every skill of songwriting is learned.

Stay focused, aim high, and be kind to yourself when your best isn’t quite as good as you hoped. There’s always another gig, another blank notebook. And—best of all—you can always revise whatever needs revision.

Confession

I’ve written at least a dozen songs that would make you weep with boredom. I’ve given awkward, off-key performances and had panic attacks onstage. I’ve messed up, freaked out, and gone home with my tail between my legs at least a dozen times. I feel slightly sick just thinking about it. But I’ve still gotten steadily better, simply because I love the process of writing songs—and I love learning more.

No one’s going to give you a laurel wreath that will suddenly take away the chance of failure. There’s no magical talisman, no blessing that’s going to excuse you from the risk of messing up. There’s no stage in the sky where guitars are always in tune, microphones always work, CDs sell like candy, and your lyric notebook is illuminated by the light of its own halo.

You’ll have to work down here in the dark with the rest of the mortals.

Applause doesn’t relieve doubt

You are always going to wonder whether applause is genuine. You’re going to wonder whether your friends and family really like your music, or whether they’re just being supportive and humoring you.

Early on, when you only have a few fans who believe in you, you’ll fret that no one’s listening. Later, when you’ve attracted hundreds or thousands of listeners, you’ll fret that you have such a large audience. Every mistake is amplified when 10,000 pairs of ears are pointed at you.

Doubt doesn’t vanish with success—it just switches guises.

Where confidence comes from

• Rehearsal and practice
• Experience performing
• Study of song craft, voice lessons, guitar lessons, performance classes, etc.
• An adventurous spirit
• Pushing at the edges of your comfort zones
• Writing lyrics/composing music that you deeply feel and believe in
• Lots and lots of feigned confidence while waiting for the real thing

Over time, with enough skill, knowledge, and repetition, the scary aspects of songwriting do get easier. Stage fright and other anxieties never truly go away; you just learn over time not to let them deter you.

Eventually you reach a tipping point where skill and courage prevail—so if you’re not there yet, keep working hard and don’t give up.

War stories

Let’s use the comment space to trade stories of bombed gigs and other temporary setbacks, shall we? Ahh, catharsis…